If there is a God, He thinks we’re weak

You’ve all heard the expression, “God never gives you more than you can handle.”  No, it’s not from the Bible, but it is something I’ve heard Christians say a lot.  It’s comforting, I guess, to think when life is tough, that He’ll never give us more than we can handle.

I remember, pre-BB, when we were preparing for her, how terrified I was.  So I did what any good obsessive, freaked out mama-to-be would do.  I read everything I could get my hands on about adoption.  And let me tell you… it was scary.  There was sensory-processing disorders, attachment issues, speech and language issues, delays in every area, sickness, grief, and … to think about.  Not only were we becoming parents (OMG!!!), but parents to a possibly traumatized and difficult to raise child.

Then we went to China, we met BB, and well, she turned out to be the easiest, most adaptable child there is.  Really.  She has an extremely adaptable personality.  She was curious about us and everything and this enabled her to move forward.  There was little looking back and little grieving.  Now she is three and is able to talk about her first year, so I am doing that, giving her the story, as I know it.  Mostly, she wants to tell us what animal she was when she was little, “When I was a baby, I was a big, BIG butterfly!” was the latest at the breakfast table yesterday.  Her stories tell me she is ready for her early story.  And she is interested.

I still read the difficult stories of adoption.  The stories we were preparing ourselves to live… and I can only come to the conclusion that we got off really easy.  BB has done and is doing very well.  I’m reading an adoption book now and for most of it, I’m thinking, “good, we have done well there.”  I’m reading it because I want to prepare for later steps.  I want to be ahead.  I want to prepare for her cognitive understanding of her adoption and the emotional issues that will come with that.  I want it all to be part of her growing up and not something she has to do alone.  I want it to be part of her story that I tell her, that she can talk about.  Not something she has to keep to herself and protect us from.  So, as well as she’s done, as well as she’s doing, I know the adoption issues don’t end and I must be prepared. 

Still, I have to wonder, as well as it’s going… if there is this God of which so many speak, does He think we are weak?  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  Or is he blessing us?  That seems to be the other answer.  If things are rough, we’re strong.  If things are great, we’re blessed. 

I’m seeing a lot of twisting of religion on the blogosphere right now.  People using it to justify their actions and even hurt each other.  So much of it is quite grandiose.  Maybe, just maybe, God has nothing to do with any of this.  That’s my take anyway.

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10 Responses

  1. Looks like a good resource. I am going to order it.
    Adoption adn religion…. I’ll comment on that when I have more time.

  2. I have the “squeaky wheel gets the grease” theory about bad stories of adoption. Bad stories are heard because they are bad, scary, heart-wrentching, and worse of all – true.

    But, how many people take the time to write the good story? The “easiest baby ever” stories?

    In fact, you just did!

    We prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And when it is “the best”, then there’s not a book written about it.

  3. I hate that phrase… “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” … because sometimes it’s just not true.

    And I so agree with you that we rarely hear the easy transition stories. People who are struggling are the ones most likely to reach out to others, seeking support and a sense of community.

    Glad that you prepared for the worst. And even more glad that you didn’t need to use the information.

    • In many ways I think our preparing for difficulties has made the transition to parenthood much easier for us. We had no imaginary dreams of adoption or even parenthood and were more likely to let her lead. I’m not sure we would have been so much this way without all the preparation. And in some crazy ways, the long wait, not nearly as long as the wait today, helped us with this preparation.

  4. like you, i feel like we got so lucky. we have this easy going, wonderful, happy kid that only cries when she’s tired (like, end of the day exhaustion) – and rarely at that. no meltdowns. no tantrums. usually happily follows the rules. and like you, i know this doesn’t mean there won’t be (or even AREN’T) issues underneath, so we stay prepared. and we’ve been telling her “her” story lately too. she’s brought up china, and it’s opened a big door. a door i’m eager to walk through with her.

    i can also confirm that sometimes we are given more than we can handle. i’ve lived it. i don’t think god “gives” us those things, nor do i see them as a test- only a reminder (for me, at least) that i’m not in it alone.

  5. I think the gods believe that I am incredibly strong and they are so incredibly wrong!
    I know one thing however, I cannot look at BingBing and not smille….. even giggle. Photos from my computer scroll by on a side bar and when BB’s come up (like right now) it lightens my heart.
    I remember the day when she wasn’t feeling so hot and she loudly made her misery known but as soon as that tylenol kicked in a smike reappeared. She quickly trusts and gives awesome hugs. She’s like my little glow worm….. just seeing her picture lightens my load.
    You have to be the luckiest parents in the world to have earned your little BingBing. And I have to be a pretty special aunt to have her in my life too!

  6. Not to sound like a holy roller, but the Bible verse that this notion of not being given more than we can handle is 1 Corinthians 10:13 – and it’s about temptation, not issues or difficulties or trials in general. I’m not so sure that God, at times, doesn’t give us more than we can handle on our own.

    You have an awesome daughter and you & my bro are great parents! Your love for BB is abounding & you enjoy her for who she is. And she does give awesome hugs 🙂

    • Yes, I’ve heard it said that God gives us trials so we will go to Him for help. Then there are other times we’re told the trials come from Satan.

      • Ps. I don’t think you sound like a holy roller, A, you’re just pointing out where the idea comes from. Thanks!

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