Let the truth come out…

I must admit, after my last post, I like the idea of life after death.  I really do.  It’s so nice; it’s so neat.  I especially like it when someone I love dies or when I imagine someone I love dying.  I mean, the idea of calmly sitting under a tree that BB is fertilizing is too horrible to imagine.  No, I don’t know that I’d want to go anywhere near that tree.  I would probably hate that tree, because although her life might be coming through it, it would represent her death and remind me that she wasn’t here.  It would feel much easier to think, she’s in heaven now with… name all our deceased relatives… and Jesus.  Yes, that would probably give me more comfort than that her remains are fertilizing a tree, even if that tree is life.

When I was a teenager, we had a dog, a Welsh corgi, named Teddy.  His full name (although irrelevant to this story) was Theodore Wilbur Peter Teragram Jacobowsky Sweeney Roosevelt, III.  He answered to Teddy or Dups (short for duppy pog – I was into wordplay as a teen).  We also called him Angel Eyes, as he had blue eyes, rather than brown, as corgis are supposed to have.  He was considered “defective” – not show quality, but he was perfect to us.

Anyway, my very elderly grandmother came to visit us in our new house when I was a teenager and we had Teddy.  She came a distance, and it was a very big deal – the last long trip she ever took.  We rented a hospital bed for her to use on the first floor, but I remember her going (ever so slowly) up to the second floor, just to see it.  But the most amazing thing about this trip happened soon after she arrived.  She had settled on the living room couch; Teddy was tied outside, as we thought he might be a little too excitable when she arrived.  When we let him in, he did something he had never done before or since.  He ran across the dining room and living room and jumped square into her lap.  We were all terrified that he’d hurt her – maybe broken one of her fragile bones.  But she was fine, perhaps a little surprised.  And that was that.  They had met.  It seemed he adored her and quite suddenly so.

Not long after that, Teddy died.  He was hit by a car at 2 1/2-years-old.  It was a terrible tragedy for our family.  A year or so later Granny died.  For a long time I thought that she and Teddy formed a special connection that day for a reason.  I thought that Teddy was Granny’s angel and he would be meeting her at the gates of heaven to take her to the family.  Yes, that’s what I thought.  I still think it sometimes.  Why?  Because I like it.  It feels good.  It gives reason for his early death.  It explains his odd behavior toward Granny.  It means they aren’t really gone and maybe he’s waiting for me, too, and he’ll take me to Granny and everyone else.  Everytime I tell the story I get chills and I’m sad and happy all over again.

I do this on occasion with other religious or spiritual or fate-like issues.  I kind of believe them because they are nice.  They feel good. 

For long-term readers, you may remember how fortune cookies predicted our match day.  Yes, it’s true.  You can read about the cookies HERE and match day HERE.  That’s a fun, feel-good fate, spiritual story and when I tell it, people say they get goosebumps.  I can be drawn in.

Here’s the thing, I can get really drawn into these ideas – they feel so right!  I love the idea of heaven or reincarnation.  My loved ones living on; I get to see them again!  The thing is, a lot of things feel good and even right, but that doesn’t mean they are real.  Santa Claus felt pretty darn good to me once, but that doesn’t mean he’s real (and there will be a post on Santa Claus soon).  Where’s the evidence?  And that’s what I want to use for all of these things.  Where’s the evidence – and no, faith isn’t enough.  That I want something to be isn’t enough.  I find it strange that faith is such a valued characteristic, but it does let us off the hook for a lot.  It’s powerful, that’s for sure.

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7 Responses

  1. After doing the entire 12 years of strict religious education I realized I wasn’t buying it…. not any of those beliefs for sure but I have found some beliefs that I do find……. well, I’ll just say “Comforting”.
    I can’t think that “this is it”. There needs to be a reason. I know there was some reason I had to learn algebra. I can’t feel good thinking that so many of my cats, dogs, horses, rabbits impacted my life and I’ll never see them again. I need to feel that I’ll see my Mom again just so I can tell her that her method of balancing checkbooks didn’t work for me but I really appreciated the effort.
    For me, when we have learned all we can here we move on to another plain of existance. I don’t buy into the mythology of this belief but I do believe that there are no finalities……. there are only beginnings.

  2. I once read that energy cannot be destroyed, as for me that is what I think happens. Our body is obviously meant to continue the life cycle, but where our energy will travel is hard to say–Earth or beyond. This is one comfort that I take in and one I believe explains the feelings of loved ones that have passed on near us in hard times or immediately after their death. It is one that I convey to M, that I will stay by her and watch over her if I am able.

    Great conversation.

  3. you raise some great thoughts!!!…..this is my take……i don’t believe in heaven because it feels good….as i grew up my thoughts on what heaven was like were actually quite boring and mundane……i actually believe when we die our spirit rests with God….then when jesus comes back we will get resurrected bodies and a resurrected earth and we will actually have things to do……i am not the cloud sitting harp playing kinda gal………as far as evidence there is quite a bit……but does evidence really change one’s beliefs?……my evidence is the beauty in a tree… the sky…my hand….my heart…….i guess i don’t think this life and all that it is is just random coincidence……..why bother to love……..and to be loved……….because that feels good to me…….i do believe in each individual’s free will to explore and educate and experiment with whatever religion or non religion they want……….and the freedom to express it………by the way…teddy’s full name is awesome!!!

    keri

  4. i had this lung cancer patient, kenny. he was 42. we were very close, i was ‘his’ nurse. great family, amazing wife and kiddo. the last time he came in the hospital, despite his deep faith, there was the fear- so evident in his eyes. almost bordering on panic. we’d has many talks about his dying, and he never admitted to being afraid. he’d smile when he talked about it.

    but now it was here, and he knew. he knew deep down this was it and he probably wasn’t getting out of the hospital. he took my hand and pleaded with me, without words. i could only say, “i’m right here”.

    3 days later, he was in a coma. the next day, he suddenly awoke, wanting to sit up. completely coherent. i came in, and he says to his wife, (literally looking around in awe), “oh my god Bobbie (wife), do you see them?”… she replies, “who Kenny?” and he just grins and says, “the angels Bobbie. they’re everywhere. they’ve come to take me home”.

    he made each and every one of us in that room line up by his bed, and one by one he hugged each of us, told us he loved us, and slipped back into his sleep, never to wake up again.

    as a person of faith, my doubts run ocean deep. ocean deep.

    kenny was a light in that darkness.

  5. Teddy and Granny ~~ I’m crying but it’s sad /happy just like you said. Yep, chills too! I still miss her so much.

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