Never at home

Here’s a post that summed up an experience I’ve thought of often, since learning from adult trancultural adoptees. 

Hey, you’re a white person, why don’t you notice me and see that I, too, am like you! I speak English like you, I use English like you, I can barely communicate in Mandarin (like you?), don’t you realize that I am like you? Don’t you recognize my whiteness too, doesn’t my stance indicate I am Canadian?

The train starts moving and as we move through the dark tunnels, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window.

Oh wait, no, it doesn’t. I look like everyone else, except I am not like everyone else. That’s right, you see Asian skin and small eyes, black hair, you think I am one of them.

I am trapped inside myself. ~ Mei-Ling

It’s something I’ll never experience, but BB will someday and it seems so strange, so sad.  I ache for her and the woman who wrote it.  She’s in Taiwan now, connecting with her first family and culture.  It isn’t easy.  Yet, it isn’t so easy in her adoptive family and culture either.  This is why I’ve come to understand that no matter how much we love BB, no matter how much she loves us, that someday she might never quite feel at home.


5 Responses

  1. It makes me always hope that one day people will see others for who they are inside…… and I have been hoping this for so long.
    Something tells me though that since BingBing has such a solid foundation she will not be subject to such bias……. I hope not.

  2. Unfortunately our kids will always have to face this. It isn’t right nor do I like it at all. All we can do is give our kids the very best and hope they have the confidence to always be themselves, not what someone else things they should be.

  3. “Something tells me though that since BingBing has such a solid foundation she will not be subject to such bias”

    Forgive me if I sound blunt, but it has nothing to do with bias. It is the conflict of knowing that externally you look like everyone else but internally you are hardly like them at all.

    Then the conflict doubles when you see an actual white Caucasian person and THEY see you as Asian because of your skin, even though you know internally you are like the white person.

  4. It isn’t about bias or discrimination. It’s about the inside and outside not matching. Is that right, Mei-Ling?

  5. That would be correct, Cavatica. 🙂

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