One year ago…

… at almost 5:00 PM when we had given up hope, Hubs and I were both at work.  We received a surprising phone call asking if we were ready to become parents?  PARENTS!  One year ago and we saw her face for the first time.  One year ago and the 6-8 month wait 23 month wait ended and the next wait (until travel) began.  That wait was a short, and somehow saner – for me, anyway.  The 23 months was crazy-hard. 

…What did I put into motion?  I can’t be a mom.  I can’t let down Hubs.  I said I would do this.  I will.  I can’t be a mom.  I don’t know what to do.  Just go forward.  Just go forward.  Self-doubt plagued me.  But, as always in these times, I sat with it and let time go.  Really, there is no reasoning with time.  It just goes… 

Then, I saw her face.  Then it all changed.  Suddenly she was real.  Someone to do this for.  To be a mom for.  The doubt slid away.  Medical questions emerged and my mamahood came out even more – gotta take care of her.  She’s mine.  I planned.  I packed.  I prepared.  I was no longer nuts.  Then off to China.  Oh China!  The people!  The place!  The child!  My gosh, she was so small.  I didn’t know her, but I trusted.  I knew I would.  She was mine.  I didn’t love her, but I trusted.  I knew I would.  She was mine.  She came to me.  I smiled to her.  She smiled back – but not right away.  She taught me.  I taught her.  She giggled.  She trusted me.  I trusted her.  I loved her.  I don’t know when she loved me, but I know she does now.  I know.

Referral picture

It is hard to believe that the little girl in that referral picture is the same in the pictures that I took today – one year later.  A GIGANTIC, fearless, funny, fast, goofy, beautiful, smart girl.  She’s mine.  I’m hers.  That’s just how it is.

Filling Mommy's shoes

Filling Mommy's shoes

 

Walking very tall

Walking very tall

 

Run... run... run

Run... run... run

 

Bye bye!

Bye bye!

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10 Responses

  1. Congrats to you and your family! What a Blessing!!

    RP

  2. Wow…. a year already? Everything happened so fast in the end……. I’ve yet to meet BingBing and I know I love and adore her. I show pictures of her to friends and say she is my “niece”.
    You guys have made it look all so easy and yet, OMG, how did you do it!
    She’s so beautiful and you make such a wonderful family.

  3. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Happy one year anniversary- you are all so fortunate to have found each other.

  4. Happy Anniversary. Such wonderful memories.

  5. Look at how much she’s grown! Such a big girl. Happy anniversary to you!

  6. :O) what an awesome post- happy one year since that first day that you saw her face and it changed everything- everything! i cannot wait to know what that is ALL about!

  7. Beautiful! Her face can light up a room so I know it lights up your heart! Great Mommy and Great Daughter!

  8. Oh Cuz, that was so beautifully written I can hardly see the keyboard. I’m so happy for you, the Hubs and Bing Bing!!!

  9. Happy 1st anniversary!

  10. Beautiful post. Coincidentally, we got our referral just a couple days later. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already. My, how time flies.

    By the way, she’s gorgeous!

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