I belong to a cool adoption forum. It’s a neat gang of people who joined together to support each other during the long wait. What do I like about this group? I asked to join, despite the fact that they require a 2006 LID, because of I found myself reading the blogs of other members and decided I had to find out what this ALT group was all about. Then, I went to the site and read this description and was intrigued. Here’s what I found:

“Were you DTC during the 2006 calendar year? Are you tired of saccharine religiosity, prayer requests, and overt proselytization? Turned off by red threads and China “angels”? Then this is the group for you! We are thoughtful, open-minded, humorous, and easily frustrated by the likes of red, white, and blue hair-pretties and signature bible quotes. While we look forward to participating in some of the old-school DTC traditions, we won’t be shoving ladybugs at you. ALTERNATIVE DTC 2006 was created by three disgruntled a-parents as an alternative, nonreligious forum for those of us allergic to the traditional DTC group culture.”

I’d noticed that some groups get a little over-zealous about using religion and adoption myths to help cope with the wait. That hasn’t done much for me. There was also talk of saving heathen children by converting them to Christianity and other things that I find disrespectful and even dangerous. I’d also found some groups to be very right-wing, conservative Christian to the point that anyone else wasn’t comfortable. In fact, I was kicked out of a group for asking for religious diversity.

I recently found that the group is getting a bad rap as anti-Christian, when in fact many in the group are Christian. How this happened, I’m not sure. I find it odd that when people just ask not to hear religious talk constantly that they are branded anti-Christian. These are just people who want to talk about adoption and other life issues in other ways, too. We found, on other forums, that often discussion was quickly shut down with “I’ll pray for you” with no other discussion open. While I don’t object to anyone praying for me, sometimes what I want to do is think things through with others or even vent. I found that place with the ALTS. They are smart, funny, thoughtful, empathic, and authentic. Many are religious and some are Christian. All are tolerant of our world’s religions, although most are having a hard time with religious intolerance and some feel it directed at them. Our goals adoption related. Can someone tell me why people who choose not to discuss religion overtly are labeled anti-Christian or worse? Is this a Christian thing to do? Doesn’t Christianity preach love of thy neighbor even if thy neighbor is different? Isn’t that what Jesus did? Over and over I find groups like our ALT group are very threatening to certain Christians. Not all. None that I choose to spend time with. Still, it saddens me, as I don’t think that’s what it’s all about.

What’s been really interesting recently, is that this stuff has been discussed on the ALT forum and I have read with fascination. Mostly, what fascinates me is that this group can talk things out. Things are discussed, even argued about, but people are thinking! I’ve seen people get censored and banned for this stuff on other forums. And you know what? Some feelings have been hurt, but only for the moment, I think. Everyone survives and I think we have a stronger group because of it. There’s no fear like I’ve heard of about some groups about saying certain things. We have freedom of thought and speech and we’re surviving. No, we’re thriving.


22 Responses

  1. Exactly how I feel. I would add that not only are things talked about, thought about and argued about, but all of this is done respectfully, without flames and insults. I am very proud to be an ALT.

  2. And I should say, proud to know the othe ALTs!

  3. Thriving is right!

  4. Word.

  5. Word is right.

    Keepin’ it real and kickin’ it old school.

    Hey, maybe that should be our new tag line?

  6. As one of the self-identified ALT Christians, I think you’ve done a very good thing here, writing about this issue. It can get heated on the group, because people have their own passions, but I’m so glad there’s a sort of weaving-together, in and among each other’s opinions, that goes on.

  7. Well said, from another proud ALT. Glad you decided to post it.

  8. I appreciate process – even when it involves conflict because, all in all, I like to think that moving through conflicts is what creates stronger relationships in the end.

    Rock on ALTs!

  9. Amen Sistah!

    Who was it that said, “If your not with us, your against us!”
    Oh yeah, I remember….now. We certainly don’t go on THAT motto in the ALTs.


  10. Don’t you just love it! My ALT group was the best!!!!!!

  11. Well said!!!

    Keep smilin!

  12. Yup. Well, at least we know what works for us. . .

  13. Well done, sister ALT. I like A.M.’s new tag line idea – keepin’ it real and kickin’ it old-school.

    Can I just squeal with a little glea here? – this time next week we’ll be kickin’ it at the PPL!

  14. Shit, that would be GLEE, not glea.

  15. Perfectly said! In the word of Melissa: “Word!”

  16. I’d like to go back onto the ALT’s forum. I got kicked off because I wasn’t posting enough. I guess it’s one of your rules that you have to be active. I was in an adoption funk for a while and didn’t participate in many forums. I enjoyed the ALT’s when I belonged, however.

  17. Great post, Cavatica. I’m glad I stumbled upon the ALTs. It is a group of informed, concerned, thoughtful and way cool people that I’m really happy to be getting to know!

  18. Nice synopsis. You really thought it through and put it all very well. Good job!

    I love my ALT group and I will defend it to the end!

  19. I think if Jesus chose a group to be on it would be ALT .I always think of Jesus as a modern socialist.

  20. Well said!

  21. I just stumbled upon your Blog and read about the ALT group. It’s the type of place for us, but membership is closed. That’s too bad since we were DTC January 2006, and it would be nice to be in touch with others who are waiting.

  22. I wish you nothing but the best.

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